Thursday, April 21, 2011

a letter to little me

Dear Little Emily Marie,

I am the woman you will become. I am nothing like what you expected.

I am not perfect. I am not successful. I do not have a family of my own. I do not even have a committed relationship.

I do have a kitty. Remember in elementary school, how much you wanted a kitty? You got Sandy when you graduated from kindergarten, then you asked for a kitty. Mommy and Daddy got you Jake, and even though you didn’t get to have him for very long before God took him away, you loved him. You’ll get Boots, and he will be your best friend for many years. Saying goodbye to him will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but know that he is in heaven, stealing the couch from God despite being one of the smallest cats ever. When you grow up, your little sister will find a little black kitten in Mom and Dad’s yard. Someone dropped him and his siblings out in the road in a snowstorm. He is God’s Christmas present to you; he’ll come at a sad time in your life, and will help you through it. But that’s when you’re an adult, so don’t worry about that right now.

I have a lot of friends. They are not the same friends I had when I was you, for the most part. You’ll learn that people change, and sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is bad. But just know that there are a few people in the world who absolutely adore you and will always love you. And when it feels like your social circle is crumbling and you’re completely alone, know that Mommy and Daddy are your best friends and will love you forever and ever. Even Marley will become one of the people you turn to, even though you don’t get along now. She doesn’t change much, but when you two are “closer” in age, you’ll have more in common. Not much in terms of taste, but you’ll laugh together, cry together, and still love each other despite how loud you scream at each other.

I’ve been hurt a lot. You’re going to fall in love with boys who won’t love you back, and boys will fall for you whom you don’t love and it will kill you to tell them so. The worst part? You will fall in love with boys who say they love you too, and you’ll find out they were lying. I don’t want to scare you, but it hasn’t been easy. It’s not like those Disney movies; it’d be easy if you just had to slay the villain. In real life, the villains in love are obvious. They’re another girl, they’re the boy himself, they might be you. You’re going to have your heart broken. A lot. You’re going to be made to feel as if you’re less special because you don’t have a boyfriend, because you’re not married yet, because you’re not having kids when your peers are. Don’t listen to them. You are going to be something special someday, once you stop listening to them. Your life does not require a significant other in order to matter. They don’t paint the picture, but they might make it brighter.

I know you get picked on. Bus rides are hell, and it’s hard for you to fit in. That’s okay. No, really, it is. Never stop being you. Those kids that pick on you? You’re better than them, because you’re who you are, and they hide behind bullying. They’re insecure and just as scared as you. Sometimes you’ll sink to their level, and while it’s not good, I understand why you did it. But at the end of the day, be you. Be girly and play with makeup. Be a tomboy and play Power Rangers, and do it better than the boys because you can do gymnastics just like Kimberly and that’s bad ass. Read books when other kids other making bad decisions, play video games when they go out drinking, write your stories when they're losing their innocence too soon. When you become me, people will appreciate you for these geeky things. They'll be your friend because you like things that aren't the norm. And you'll love them for the same reasons.

I just want you to know that even though things aren't perfect for us yet, I'm sure it will be fine. Just know that when you're laughing, I'm laughing with you. When you cry, I'm crying too. And I love you very much.


Big Emily Marie

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