anonymous nastiness

image via hayley jane

That precious little unicorn up there is one Miss Hayley Jane. I had the pleasure of meeting Hayley Jane at the Michigan Renaissance Festival, and became an instant fan. Hayley Jane is really an absolute renaissance woman. She's a songwriter, singer, instrumental musician, costume designer, seamstress, burlesque dancer, model, sexual health advocate...you name it, she's probably dabbled in it. She is remarkably talented, and a very nice person who is always willing to say hello.

Hayley Jane has a Formspring account. For those of you that aren't familiar, Formspring is a social networking site that allows you to ask anonymous questions to members for them to answer publicly. It's a fun tool for the most part, especially in the case of Hayley Jane, who dips her toes into subject matter that some people may be embarrassed about (though they shouldn't! <3).

But lately, Hayley Jane has been getting a slew of anonymous questions that seem to be calling her out on things she said or did in high school, or insulting her, and basically making her feel horrible. It breaks my heart, because I've never seen this young woman be anything but sweet to anyone who speaks to her, and she's just doing what she loves and encourages everyone to do the same.

This got me thinking about the whole idea of anonymous internet bullying. It's like an epidemic lately. I admit, being anonymous is a great way to break through inhibitions; it's easier to speak your mind when people can't judge you directly for it. But using an anonymous forum in order to simply hurt someone is just so [i]wrong[/i]. Take this one that was recently posted to Hayley Jane's Formspring:

Sometimes, I feel like you're a stranger and you never really liked me. You just pitied me.

Needless to say, Hayley Jane was at a loss for words, because how do you respond to something like that, having no idea who said it? That sort of thing is just looking to guilt a person, and to do it anonymously really irks me.

I have a rule for myself on the interwebs: Don't type it if you wouldn't say it. If I wouldn't say it to a person's face, I won't say it on the internet. Which, I suppose, doesn't limit me that much, because I'm pretty brassy and tend to say exactly what's on my mind. But I try not to be nasty. Snarky, perhaps. But not nasty. I know how karma works.

And there's a difference between bullying and trolling. Trolling is usually obvious and on the humorous side, though sometimes trolling will cross that fine line into bullying. Bullying is just mean, and nasty, and something I will never tolerate, be it on my blog, on my Facebook, in real life, anywhere. I wish that there was an Internet Police (thanks, crazy-ass Youtube Dad!) that would patrol this kind of thing, because honestly, it's just sucky.

Anonymous Internet People: Grow up, grow balls, grow vaginas, whatever it takes for you to deal with your troubles face-to-face instead of hiding. It may make you feel better superficially to make someone hurt, but remember that it's going to circle back on you.

Oh, and by the way...totally check out Hayley Jane. ;)

subway, ride fresh!

image via katarinka

So, a while ago I asked my Facebook friends to give me some ideas for blog posts. One of them asked about riding the bus. Now, I'm a gas-guzzlin' anti-hippie, so I have a car. I rode the bus a little in college, but it was a school-based special route, and all students, so it wasn't quite the public transport experience that most people think of.

Enter my lovely friend Cristina. Stina recently moved to Washington D.C., and is constantly posting observations she's made on the Metro. So I asked her to do a guest spot here, and she was happy to oblige!

So, without further ado, Stina's view on public transportation. :)

I am a transportation snob. Not a big snob, but when I am on the bus and see the hundreds of people in their cars using up their gas as they are stuck in hour long traffic on their way to pay $10 to park for a day…I feel a teeny tiny sense of superiority. That is because I have mastered the art of using public transportation. I will admit it is a lot easier for me to use it in Washington D.C where we have a very extensive system of buses and metros, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also benefit from using the bus in your city every once in a while. You save money, save the environment, and can have a fun time.

4 Reasons to Take Public Transportation:

1. Save the environment: You have all heard this before, but public transportation helps with carbon emissions and gas usage and all that fun stuff. Sure, buses and metros and trains probably put out a lot of pollution, but they are running whether you are on them or not, so you might as well ride it and not have both the bus and your car adding to our problems!

2. It is more entertaining that driving your car: When you are driving all you can do is listen to music, as talking on the phone is strongly discouraged. When you are on a bus or metro you can listen to music, read a book, watch a movie on your iPod or whatever nifty electronic equipment you have. Texting is perfectly legal and safe and, as long as you are being quiet and respectful, so is talking on your phone!

3. You can meet new people: So this is actually a bit of a challenge on the D.C metro, because no one ever talks to each other. They just read or sleep or stare off into space. But the potential is there! You are surrounded by people. If you are brave enough/can think of something interesting to say (which I never can) talk to someone! You can meet a new friend, a future significant other, or a useful business contact! Or even just a random weirdo who will make this particular trip more interesting. I myself have met a number of interesting weirdos!

4. It is easy: I will admit that public transportation can seem as easy as doing your own colonoscopy at first. But once you figure out how your local system works, you will quickly become a pro. I know the D.C metro system like it’s my job and can take you anywhere in the city/outer-city areas without any problem. Do you know how confusing it is to drive on our country’s capital? The metro is SO MUCH BETTER!

4 Things to Do/Don’t Do On Public Transportation:

1. Study up on the routes you need: this connects to my #5 up above. Don’t just hop on a bus expecting it to take you exactly where you need to go. Figure it out beforehand. It will save you confusion and panic. And once you have the system down you will be able to go everywhere you need to without thinking about it.

2. Do be courteous: Don’t talk loudly on the phone…you are in a smallish space with lots of other people. They really don’t need to hear about your new albino ferret or that your coworker always smells like Cheetos or that your boyfriend’s newest fetish is hobbits. People don’t need that information.

Also, please be aware of who is around you and give up your seat to someone who might need it more than you. That 80 year old woman with two hip replacement surgeries has been through enough in her life without having to stand up for 20 minutes when a perfectly healthy 25 year old is selfish enough to not give her the seat.

3. DO NOT, I mean for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT stand on the left side of the escalator: The right side is for standing, the left side is for walking. If I am in a hurry to make my next bus and you are parked on the left side of the escalator so that I can’t get around you, I will politely ask you to move and then later on (when I am not in a hurry) I will find you and drop kick you in the face. People use public transportation to get to work and if you are taking your sweet time and get in their way…oh that’s grounds for a fight around here.

4. Do take something along that will keep you entertained: I am on a bus, a metro, and another metro both ways for a total of 2 hours every day. That is a long time. But I don’t mind at all. I always take a book or a Sudoku or the newspaper with me. It is my reading time. It is a great way to get myself ready for the day and unwind on my way home from work. People are shocked at how long it takes me to get to and from work, but I know people who have much longer commutes. And I see mine as a chance to do something I want to do anyway and that I enjoy!

So use the bus! Don’t know how it works? Check the website, call their phone number, ask people who take it. It might not be practical for you to use it every day, but even just taking it to the mall instead of driving (parking is a bitch over the holidays) can save you gas money, wear on your car, frustration, and lessen your carbon footprint. And those are all things we love.

Thanks, Cristina! So, how about the rest of you? Are you a bus rider, a driver, subway-allegient?

friendship is magic

image via yamino

I’ve been a woman who has been unlucky in love. I’ve been dumped, I’ve been the dumper (which feels way worse, in my humble opinion, because I hate being the asshole), I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been lied to, I’ve lied. I’ve never cheated, but, y’know…to each their own.

What I haven’t been unlucky in is friendship. Sure, there’s been a few bad apples that I had to kick out of the tree along the way, and while it hurt, I’m the better for it. My friends are varied, diverse, and amazing.

Because I want every other girl in the world to be as blessed as I am in the Friend Department, I wrote this little guide to the friends that every girl needs in her life.

1. The Shopping Buddy

This. Is. Critical. You need a friend with the stamina to keep up on a shopping sprint through the mall, a mutual love of horrible-for-you-noms at the food court (hellooooo, Sbarro!), the honesty to let you know that that skirt makes you look like a two-dollar hooker, and the tact to let you know such about said skirt without making you want to cry and wear a burka forever. I might be biased, but the best shopping buddies are gay men. Think about it; they know style, they know quality, and they won’t fight you over that last pair of glittery pink Louboutins. Not because they don’t want them, it’s just that you’re not the same size. Unless you are. In which case, don’t wear dangly earrings or a weave, because that queen will rip them out yo’ head.

Typical Quote: “Yeahhhhh…let’s try that with leggings.”

2. The Showman

The Showman is the friend that appears to have no shame or any care for blending in. Bold, brassy, and quite often hilarious, they are the best friend to pull you out of your shell when you’re in a slump. He’s the friend you used to video-tape yourself with while re-enacting scenes from childhood movies (luckily I never had a camera in high school, or else there would be incriminating evidence of me doing a pretty awesome Jareth the Goblin King floating around). She’s the girl who joins you in a Tony-worth rendition of “Lady Marmalade” complete with topping your Li’l Kim pelvic thrusts with her Christina Aguilera hand thing. You need this person, because no matter what, it’s free entertainment, and you love that about them. Not going to lie…I fall into this category of friend.

Typical Quote: Anything from A Chorus Line

3. The Brother

He might be your blood brother, he might not. Related or no, every girl needs a guy she can count on that isn’t trying to get into her pants. Not every guy is trying to get into your pants, of course. Only 95%. Because you’re a hot piece of ass, little lady, and any man would be lucky to get all up in your business. Pronounced “bidness,” because I’m street. But we aren’t talking about those guys. We’re talking about that guy who has known you since you were kids, who still seems to think you may have remnant cooties and would be mortified to see you naked, but never the less is there to give you a hug and come to your rescue when you lock your keys in the car, you silly thing, you. The guy who can dish out dating advice to you but somehow manages to always boil it down to “men are scum, you are pure, stay that way so I don’t have to think about you sexin’ it up because eww.” These men are a rare breed. And…again…probably gay. You hot piece, you.

Typical Quote: “No. You are pure and pristine and you’ll never convince me otherwise.”

4. The Mannequin

The term “mannequin” does not refer to this friend’s personality. This refers to the fact that you both pretty much wear the same size, and can go into each other’s closets, pick out an outfit and it looks just as good on you as it does on her. I don’t have a true mannequin, I have two halves of a mannequin in Sara and my sister, Marley. Sara is slightly more top-heavy than me, and Marley is smaller in the hips and badonk than me, so in an ideal world, I’ll saw them in half magician-style and glue them together (with glitter glue, naturally) and have a whole new closet with things that fit me perfectly. But I won’t do that, of course. Not until we have the technology.

Typical Quote: “Let me borrow that top.”

5. Mom

This one is key. A girl needs a mom. Is it your biological mother? Maybe not. Stepmom? Grandma? Aunt? A friend’s mom? Giving birth does not a mom make. I’m lucky enough to be very close with my biological mother. She’s mother, she’s mom, she’s ma, she’s Majah. My parents are both my best friends, but there is something to be said about the bond between mother and daughter. A mom is that woman you can look up to, who you can call at three in the morning with a runny nose and tears on the pillow and she won’t be angry, who can tell you everything will be all right and even though that doesn’t fix the problem, you feel better, because Mommy said so. And if you grow up in a household like I did, Mom is always right. By the way, if you get the chance to, call up the woman you consider Mom, and tell her she’s amazing, and that you love her and appreciate everything she’s ever done for you. Moms are the most under-thanked people on earth, and it will make her day, if not her week, month, or year.

Typical Quote: “[insert your first and middle name here]!”

6. The Sister

The bond between sisters is a precarious one. My sister and I could not be more opposite, and anyone who knows us will agree with that statement. We’re both grown women now (she’s a MOMMY), and we can still find stupid, immature reasons to bicker. Within the last five years, we’ve gotten in at least one physical fight (one involving a stolen seat and pulled hair comes to mind), we’ve screamed at each other, we’ve made each other cry. But in the end, we love each other, no matter how much we deny it. Girls, you may not get along with your sister. You may call her names, you may tattle on her, she may make you want to pull your hair out. But one thing is for certain when it comes to your sister. No one gets to fuck with her except you.

Typical Quote: “MOOOOOOOOOM!”

7. The Mafia

This is the group that has your back. It could be men, women, both. They’re the ones who will throw down for you the minute you ask. I have a gang of women who will go hardcore chola on your ass if you mess with me. Sara, Marley, Meghean, and Heather will cut you. I call them my pretty little pitbulls. That’s not to say that The Mafia are cold, heartless assholes. They’re just über protective.

Typical Quote: “Want me to punch him? I’ll do it.”

8. The Paris Hilton

Sometimes, you need a friend that is amazing at going to bars. I.E., the Paris Hilton. A good-time buddy that lives in the moment, and doesn’t bring up petty drama or be a downer at bars. She karaokes, she does shots of tequila (and then does yours, because tequila is awful), she dances like a madwoman and her fun is infectious.

Typical Quote: An off-key rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”

9. The Couch Weight

At the same time…to balance out ol’ Paris up there, you need a friend who is down to polish off a carton of Superman ice cream and watch a “How I Met Your Mother” marathon in oh-so-sexy pajama pants and oversized sweatshirts.

Typical Quote: “The new season of ‘Big Bang Theory’ is on Netflix. You busy tonight?”

10. The Steel Trap

Last, but certainly not least, is The Steel Trap. Once this girl is given something, she never lets it go. She’s a confidant, a sounding board, a verbal punching bag, and a shoulder to cry on, and you never have to worry about her going off and telling this, that, and the other guy. The Steel Trap is someone you can trust, and you best be willing to be the same for her.

Typical Quote: “Pinkie promise.”